Bird No-bile

(Get it? Like mobile? Yeah, thought so.) I won’t go as far as to call this project a FAIL, but I’m also not going to write about it, show you guys pictures, and pretend that I didn’t carelessly throw around some choice words during this DIY.

Let’s start with the good news: Steve and I scored this totally functioning and adorable baby swing from a garage sale for an impressive $15… (And yes — for all you germaphobes, I already sterilized and washed the entire swing.)

Now this was before we knew the gender of our little baby girl, and I thought it would be a BRILLIANT (!) idea to swap out the pink flowers for something more hand made-y. Pink stuffed flowers aren’t really my thing, and I figured my baby would appreciate something a wee bit more gender neutral.

Using the PDF that you can download from this blog post, I made three stuffed birds to replace the flowers on the mobile. (The birds on that post are stinkin’ adorable.)

Ok, go ahead and Awww it up. From a distance they do actually look like non-drunk birds.

But then as you get closer you start to realize they look a little… well, special.

For starters, the first one I made looks like a #*(&$@(#*$&ing dolphin. I totally botched the face and beak on this one. But I SHALL NOT BE DEFEATED.

I let this project rest for about a month before I regained the strength to continue. Finally, I completed the last two.

This guy turned out a little more ornithological and a little less cetacean, but still looks a little derpy.

Derp derp.

And then last, but definitely my favorite of the bunch, was good ole Turquoise.

He turned out the least special of the bunch, and the most bird looking. But it also looks like he/she had an enormous rack implanted. He’s the Anna Smith of stuffed birds. And obviously damn proud.

Our poor little baby girl is soon going to be subject to these little birds, and as a soon-to-be mom I can only hope they don’t give her nightmares.

Here is how our little alien will view these creatures:

Not too, too offensive. Nothing to send her to a psychologist in her toddler years, I hope. I wish I would’ve used more variations of fabric, but there are a bunch of creative changes I wish I would’ve made. And you know what? I’m not redoing them. Or making more of them. EVER.

Olive tried to console me. She said “Don’t worry crazy lady, you haven’t yet managed to screw up the food you pour in my bowl every morning, so there’s still hope for you.”

Did you know that making eye contact with a dog is practically an invitation for them to come over and sniff your butt? Or lick your face? Or just generally get all up in your business?

After a quick inspection Olive approved the birds and their deformities.

Everything deserves love, right? Even if it’s some Frankenstein attempt at a craft project.

DO NOT TRY THIS AT HOME. Just kidding, go ahead and give it a try. I dare you. I’m going to be insanely jealous if yours actually turn out normal looking.

Can I give you a few tips?

  • Print the pattern out larger. I think my biggest problem was that they were just too small.
  • Make sure to not sew the tail too narrow. You have to turn it inside-out through that tunnel.
  • Go slow and steady around the face to achieve the correct curve around the face and beak.
  • Don’t stuff the tail too full. You’re not making a sea creature, okay?
  • Attack this project when unpregnant so you can get tanked before and/or after you attempt this craft.

Go forth and make birds, my friends. And send me pictures if and only if they turn out worse than mine.

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3 thoughts on “Bird No-bile

  1. Oh my goodness…this made me smile this morning. I just finished making a mobile for a friend of mine who is about to pop with a new beautiful baby girl and I can totally relate to your frustration! I made my own bird patterns to match the nursery bedding (yikes!) and closed the birds up by hand in the belly area with dark pink thread. I am no-good at hand sewing….for serious. Now this baby girl is going to spend a significant amount of her baby-time staring up at some sort of nightmare-Frankenstein-gutted-and-stitched-bird-mobile. When she is old enough to ask I will deny everything.

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