Tree-diddly Fence

Which is “tree fence” for all of you who don’t speak Ned Flanders.

I should start this story by letting you all in on a little secret, which is actually more of a public declaration. We affectionately (or not-so-affectionately) call our next-door neighbor Ned, as in Ned Flanders. The similarities are striking: he has two teenage sons, he is forever annoying, he is over-the-top nice, and he is super religious. Not that there is anything wrong with the aforementioned list of personality traits (covering my ass), but he is a little…. um…. shall we say…. “stalkerish”? He sees either one of us outside and he appears out of the blue in under 2.4 seconds with unsolicited advice on how to do whatever we are doing better and/or more efficiently and/or the way he does it. Or just to tell us that he’s doing P90X. Or that he’s planting a garden. Yay, Ned. Thanks for sharing.

I know some of you might think I’m being somewhat harsh. I’m not. You might even think we should just give him another chance. We have.

We do take time to reflect and put the situation in perspective, though. We are grateful that he’s not grumpy and crotchety. That would be terrible. We’d take an overly-nice-yet-annoying neighbor over a mean one any day.

Ned’s house is pretty close to ours, and the not-so-neat side of his house is all we could see out of our dinette window.

As much as we loved gazing at all of his trash cans, his kids soccer goals, and jungle weeds, privacy was something that was begging to happen.

My mom told me that Arborvitae are great for “fences” because they grow fast and they’re low maintenance. Sold. Two of the characteristics I look for when selecting landscaping. “Do I need to do anything to it once it’s planted?” “No.” “Load ’em up.”

Although we normally hit up Lowes first, Home Depot had healthier, fuller looking plants that were only two bucks more. The bigger the better in this case. Or in any case, amiright? (You hear that? That’s the sound of my parents suddenly feeling very awkward.)

SHA-BAM! Trees! Aren’t they just the most adorable trees you ever did see? Steve may have caught me petting and hugging them on occasion. They’re just so soft. I couldn’t resist.

You know the drill: dig a whole twice the size of the plant base, wriggle some of the roots loose, and then plop ‘er in.

We mixed in a little MOO-NURE (har har har) for fertilizer.

We don’t have the greatest soil in our neighborhood so we thought these guys could use a little food to start their life off on the right root foot.

Once the hole was all filled in we topped it off with a 3″ layer of mulch. The little tag on the trees said that mulch protects the roots when it gets really cold. Since February was 85° and recently it’s been 35° we thought the mulch would definitely be helpful.

Wah-Lah! (That’s how our tour guide in Italy told us to say Voila. So, CHIRO! If you’re reading this… I listened to you!)

It takes serious will power for me to not come home every night from work and give each and every one of these trees a hug and a kiss hello. They’re just so adorable. AND FUNCTIONAL. And that’s really the best kind of adorable.

I’m hoping they grow fast, but I know realistically it’s going to take some years for them to reach their mature size. Even though they’re small, they still provide a nice layer of privacy.

Here’s the view from our dinette now:

They don’t totally cover up Ned’s stash of outdoor accoutrements, but they sure do provide a nice breath of air between the two houses. The stinky kind of morning breath where you’re all STAY AWAY FROM ME. My trees are like morning breath. Aren’t you glad I tied that all together for you?

Enjoy the rest of your Thursday. I’ll just be sitting over here. Watching my trees. Hoping they grow big for mama.


3 thoughts on “Tree-diddly Fence

  1. Perfect! My man-friend (we need another moniker besides “boyfriend”) did this to screen an even worse neighbor’s yard. Can you believe this kid lets his grass grow to knee height then tries to mow it? Well mow it he did…a couple of swaths till the mower coughed and gave up. so did the kid. FOR THE REST OF THE SUMMER I MIGHT ADD!!!!! So have patience and they will do the right thing for you.

  2. My Neighbors did that on the curve of their property, to cut down the headlights on the curve n privacy in the driveway. They planted theirs closer and in a zig-zag pattern instead of a straight line, as you did. They had a tighter privacy fence faster as it grew taller. Love your blogg gurl n your sidekick pup.

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